I hate clothes shopping. I love fashion (or well, the idea of fashion), but being fat plus-sized makes every clothes shopping trip a traumatic event that I will only participate in when necessary. I don’t mind going WITH friends to go clothes shopping, but 9 times out of 10 I just end up in a consulting position, rather than a “let’s both try on clothes and see what’s good” type deal. Plus being plus-sized really limits who you can do that sort of thing with.

I’ve decided that with the new year, I’m going to take more care with how I look. I know that not everyone may feel this way, but for me, looking good has an ability to lift my mood… Though usually when I feel like dressing better, I’m already in a good mood, so maybe this would be more of an experiment in seeing if taking the time to look better will help me fake being perky and presentable on the days when I really don’t feel like it.

I’m working on ways to make myself a better person. Last year was a good start to it, I’m getting to a point where I can tell myself that the bad days aren’t always going to be there and believe it. And one of the ways I want to better myself is through what I wear.

But good God, does clothes shopping suck. When clothes don’t fit just so, when you realize you’ve gone up a size, it’s so discouraging. Especially in those gruesome bright lights they have in the stores I frequent. I avoid the stores with low lights because chances are high I’m “not pretty enough” to shop there. I’m talking about you, Hollister.

I did my best to look for good deals. Because for some reason, I hold out hope that I will lose the Jessica Alba that I need to lose and won’t have to wear the clothes for too long. I still need to buy some pants, but I have that very upsetting predicament of pants not lasting very long because my thighs rub together, so spending $40+ on a pair of pants makes me feel bleh.

I was going to end my shopping with the tops that I bought, but I ended up stopping by Sanrio, where they were having a sale on their entire stock. While I hate clothes shopping, in every other element where shopping happens, I love it. Even in a damned hardware store, I could find something to buy. It’s really a horrible addiction because everyone shops so it’s not like a drug addiction or any other kind of taboo. It’s easier to hide and online shopping makes it so it’s unavoidable. But I’m working on it, even if it means cutting things out or spending less time doing things that I like. But I couldn’t resist with the Sanrio store. 70% off of a suitcase I’ve been complaining about needing since last august. Plus Tokidoki! Okay so my shopaholic brain won at Sanrio, but I’m a work in progress.