I really thought I was backsliding. That the depression I was feeling was only going to worsen and I would still be contemplating going to the hospital and complaining that I don’t really have the time for that, because really… I don’t. But in the past few days, the fog has lifted again and I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of joy, so much so that I’m constantly out of breath. I’m going to say that it’s because of happiness instead of my fat, because I don’t want to think about why I’m really out of breath all the freaking time. But really, I’m feeling as though there is so much joy in my chest that it needs to pop out. I wonder if it’ll last past my birthday month. I really hope so.
I’ve always been the type to constantly look at my past failures and wonder if planning for the future is worth it. Today, the day after my 24th birthday, I look back at my past and look at it as experiences rather than failures, because while things didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to, I have gained so much in terms of insight and knowing who I am and what I DON’T want. Unfortunately I’m still trying to figure out what I really want. My materialistic self and my “I just want to be happy” self are quite at odds with each other.
Like I said, yesterday was my birthday and it was rather calm and a bit boring. I think that is just how birthdays are when they’re during the week. I have planned a small get together on Saturday and I think it’ll be absolutely wonderful. Yesterday, I had a few errands to run and then brought Big K and Little K some cuppycakes. I didn’t make them. I haven’t cooked anything since my misadventure with Filipino picadillo. YEAH… I was supposed to blog about that, but I was too depressed. Let’s just say it’s going to be pastasauce one of these days. I played a game of Battleship with Big K, though I got bored halfway through and just let him keep cheating until he sunk all my pieces. I forgot how tedious that game is, but I’m always happy to be near my boy. I let Little K taste a bit of my Salted Caramel Twix cupcake, but I don’t think he liked it, so I gave him the vanilla sprinkle one instead. Silly me left him alone with it for a little too long and well…. I became scumbag auntie and taped him eating the frosting instead of stopping him. Mwahahaha. It was too cute not to film!
Lately I’ve been in a baby mood. I’d love a little son to squish and love and follow me around. I realize that this is impractical since I’m not working and forever alone, but boy would I love to have a little annoying kid to take care of. I know I want to have kids before I’m thirty, so I really gotta get moving on the whole making a career and whatnot. Though really, no rush. So long as I can see them more often, I’m happy being an aunt and getting to leave the kids with their parents after I get them all riled up. Mwahahahahahaaaaaaa. It must be an evil laugh kind of blogging day.
This whole week is packed with things that I need to do to become a better person. A doctor’s appointment, a seminar on starting a business, and the plan to get my butt to the community college to re-register so I can have a registration date for summer courses. It’s all very exciting. And I’ve really been in a pretty girl mood, so I’ve been trying to make myself look a bit better physically too. Well at least in the face department. Working on the rest of the body is annoying and tedious. Damn my love for food. I think I might attempt to treadmill tomorrow. MAYBE.
I tried to get an appointment with my primary care physician, so that I can become even better (and talk to her about my concerns about carpal tunnel), but there aren’t any appointments for three months! I might just ask for a same day appointment next week. What a pain.
Well. My hair’s done, my face is done, and I’ve got an appointment at 2pm. There’s my update for the week, and hopefully I’ll get another entry written in the next few days. I don’t want to lose too much momentum with my blog!
Thanks for reading and I hope my joy spreads to you… sort of like an infectious disease of happy.